Big, bad, and the bill is
rising By The Mogambo Guru
Martin Weiss of MoneyandMarkets.com writes
that what is euphemistically called a "credit
crunch" - which he defines as "essentially a
slowdown in the pace of new credit growth" - is
actually much, much more than that, and that The
Mogambo was right the whole time when he was
yelling at his stupid neighbors and stupid family
that they should be buying gold, silver and oil,
and how the Federal Reserve creating so much
excess money and credit will end up destroying the
dollar and destroying the economy and destroying
the country and probably destroying the whole
freaking world with inflation in consumer prices,
even though all this new money actually spent most
of its life creating inflation in stock prices and
bond prices and the price of government, and now
we are (as I never seem to tire of saying)
freaking doomed!
Okay, on powerful
cross-examination I now admit that Mr
Weiss
did
not say that, and what he actually said had
nothing whatsoever to do with me, and in fact what
he DID say is that this is not a
temporary-but-pesky "credit crunch", but is
"actually a credit crack-up - an outright
contraction of credit the likes of which [has]
never been witnessed in our lifetime", which
reminds one of Ludwig von Mises's description of
the "crack-up boom" at the end of a long money
expansion!
In case you can't tell from the
horrified look on my face and the way I am
drooling down my chin in mindless terror, this is
a bad, bad concept that is so bad that you should
not even talk about it while eating, or for an
hour after eating, because you will gag and vomit
in fear.
In a surprising flash of crass
commercialism, I interrupt this newsletter to
introduce the latest "gotta have it" item from
Mogambo Interstellar Enterprises (MIS), which is a
new diet program based on the idea that if you are
always too frightened to eat or keep food down,
then your caloric intake is reduced, and you
should lose weight. Easy and brilliant!
This caloric-attenuation regimen is
scientifically paired with an aerobic, cardio
program to insure that you get a terrific exercise
workout from merely cleaning up your own puke all
the time.
So, to capitalize on this
phenomenon, the dieter merely tunes in to any of
the seemingly-endless Angry Mogambo Tirades (AMT)
found round-the-clock on Free Radio Mogambo (FRM),
a broadcast on a radio frequency that
unfortunately keeps shifting (which plays hell
with trying to attract advertisers and sponsors, I
can tell you!), but which is necessary to stay one
step ahead of the government censors so that
uniformed government goon squads don't smash down
the door to silence the Brave And Heroic Mogambo
(BAHM). If you have seen the movie, "The Matrix",
you know what I am talking about. "Hello, Neo."
Gaaahhhh!
Anyway, the FRM is available
everywhere, so if you cannot find it on either the
AM or FM dials, then this proves that the
government is jamming the signal in your area so
that you don't find out what in the hell these
weenies are doing to our money, which is not only
the same subject that FRM is always screeching
about to make you so frightened that you cannot
eat or will make you vomit up anything that you
manage to eat, but which is also the title of an
old Murray Rothbard book titled, What Has
Government Done to Our Money?, which shows
that all this dollar-debasement crap is certainly
nothing new, and is a book which is available at
Mises.org, which I bring up because Mises.org is
the site of Austrian economics in America, which
is the only true economics, and which is a fact
that imbues me with the awesome power of Angry
Mogambo Arrogance (AMA) to sling righteous abuse
at all others who do not agree with me, as is
their just desserts now that they have
demonstrated that they are not very smart if they
actually believe that silly econometric crap, like
especially those losers at the Federal Reserve and
at most of the universities in America, I am sorry
to have to admit, and my loud denunciations of
them all grows ever louder as things are turning
out exactly - exactly! - as Austrian economic
theory says they would, which means that we are,
in case you ain't heard, freaking doomed.
This is the basis of the new Mogambo Diet
Plan (MDP), and you can see how that kind of "kiss
your own nasty butt goodbye because you are going
to die" news, delivered in a constant, shrill,
high-decibel voice would make you lose weight!
But we here at Mogambo Nutritional
Laboratories (MNL) realize that some people will
still manage to eat and will not lose weight,
which is why we have a strict policy of "no
refunds for any reason", which (in case you are a
lawyer) means "including the fact that we didn't
even send you anything, and all we did was cash
your stupid check", which will probably work out
really well for me in case somebody actually buys
a copy of our new Mogambo Diet Plan (MDP), which
probably won't happen because it is such a stupid
and repellent idea.
For example, Mr Weiss
is obviously not going to buy one, and instead he
made me lose MY appetite when he went on, "Based
on its Flow of Funds Report, in the third quarter
of last year, 'open market paper' (mostly
short-term commercial loans) was slashed at the
annual rate of $682 billion."
Mr Weiss
sees that blank look on my face, indicating that
the significance is lost on me. So, with what I
detect was a little angry frustration in his
voice, he says, "I repeat: This is not a mere
'slowdown' in new lending, which would be
relatively routine. This is an actual reduction in
the short-term loans outstanding, which is
anything but routine ... which implies a rupture
in the nation's credit spigots."
And if
you have ever had to call a plumber, at midnight,
on a weekend, in an emergency of a "rupture in
your spigots", whatever in the hell that is, then
you realize that you are going to pay a big, big
price.
You just don't know HOW big a price
until the end, when you get a bill that is so
outrageous that you have a brain spasm and you
die. In short, there are no good endings to a
spigot rupture or creation of excess money and
credit.
Unless you buy gold, then at least
you are rich while all others die, which is much
nicer!
Richard Daughty
is general partner and COO for Smith Consultant
Group, serving the financial and medical
communities, and the editor of The Mogambo Guru
economic newsletter - an avocational exercise to
heap disrespect on those who desperately deserve
it.
(Republished with permission from
The Daily
Reckoning .
Copyright 2008, The Daily
Reckoning.)
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Office: Unit B, 16/F, Li Dong Building, No. 9 Li Yuen Street East,
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